Sunday, February 23, 2014

Social Media Etiquette: Should I Delete My Ex's Family?

Just last week, I was in the grocery store and there was a family talking about a situation that happens a lot on Facebook. Just so you know, I wasn't being nosy... I just wanted to understand their complaint so I spoke with the mother and I let her know that I am a social media expert and a blogger and I would love her opinion on the question:

Should I delete my ex-girlfriend's family?

This question is so personal it really can't be answered in a blanket statement. But, this family had a valid point. The "ex" girlfriend but still baby mama just got married. Apparently, they didn't like the husband and were complaining loudly about the many photos the blushing bride posted. Not about the photos so much as the comments her friends were making.

In some of the photos, the comments were not flattering to her "baby daddy" aka the family's flesh and blood! Sangre de mi sangre. To the point that they were bashing his lack of parenting skills and went so far as to say that now the kid had a "real daddy." Ouch! I can understand this complaint.

I can see their point from this vantage point. But, doesn't a bride have the right to share her photos and joy for all to see? I think so. I would if my own wedding wasn't over 19 years ago. I would be posting my photos until people were sick of seeing them... then I would continue for at least three weeks longer. Wink.

When your friends are posting on your posts and they are bashing your ex... they are most likely rehashing what you have told them. So, keeping those words out of your mouth will help the situation. This is your baby daddy and one day, he may change. Give him the space to be better by not sharing your biggest hurts with friends that are going to show up on your threads and post your deepest thoughts for all the world to see.

So I guess the answer is, it depends on how much policing you are going to do on your threads. If you allow your friends to bash your ex, everyone will see them and this could cause a pile-on. People can take the threads so far down the road that your happy event isn't even in the far horizon.

Some options are:
  1. You can delete the offending post.
  2. You can comment asking people to keep the focus on the joy of your event.
  3. You can let his family know that you are not planning to censor your friends
  4. You can remind his family that if they want to "unfriend you" they will still have access to all of the photos you post of the baby. Then send them directly to their phone or email.

The truth is this #YourPageYourRules. Post what you want. The people that aren't happy can leave. If you have people on your page that you don't want to see certain things, they can ignore them or "unfriend" you. It's so simple, it doesn't even need a post. But, if you want to keep the ex family and think of their feelings, you are doing a good thing.

Follow me on Facebook:  www.facebook.com/vixxbuzz

19 comments:

  1. This is a very personal and touchy topic, like you said. I agree, that if your friends are bashing, then you were most likely bashing first. That is social media...I think it is best to keep your nose clean...if you don't want people to see it, then don't post it (or delete it).

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  2. You've raised some good points here - and I also agree, negatives have a source and if you're it, therein lies the problem! "Be the good you want to see in the world" (is that how it goes?) Haters gonna hate, but no need to feed them in the first place!!

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  3. Ex or not the other family is still related to the kids. If you know your friends are going to leave bad comments then you should not post anything or take all ex affiliations off your friend list. I have a feeling it was done on purpose by the poster of the wedding pics.

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    1. I also got the feeling that they were just looking for drama... Removing ex affiliations is a great options for sure.

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  4. Honestly I wouldn't feel comfortable having my ex's family on my friends list, but if you choose to do so then it really shouldn't matter what is posted. It's not right for friends to leave negative comments, but you can't control what others do. You also shouldn't have to filter what you post especially if it's your wedding.

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    1. Especially the wedding.... Thanks for commenting.

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  5. Very personal and probably depends a lot on the relationship, or lack of, with the Ex's family. Your statement about keeping your hurts and feelings to yourself, at least on social platforms is a good way to moderate or eliminate the bashing by friends. Especially by those friends that don't know the whole story or may not even know the Ex.

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  6. When people post whatever on facebook they are taking their chances.
    Someone told my once on Facebook, if you can't stand the heat, don't come to the kitchen.

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  7. You can always uncheck them from your newsfeed if you're not comfortable unfriending them at this time….that's an option I think is great and they don't know.

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  8. I think things can get taken out of context a lot which causes hurt feelings. Limiting what you see by taking is control of unfriending or hiding them depends on personal choice.

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  9. I am so much agree with you.. If there's a valid reason to unfriend them then you can, and thats when they hurt your feelings. Thanks for the marvelous posting!

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  10. Tough question...I'm not Facebook friends with any serious exes or their family so I really don't know how to answer this one. Like you I would want to share my joy for the world to see too...for weeks on end lol

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  11. This is a tough situation and it should be handled differently in every situation. I really liked your advice.

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  12. This is a very individual thing and I think depends on the relationship you still have with the ex's family. My ex's family is still on my friends list and I talk to them very often. I comment on and like their posts. He's still on mine too, although we don't talk as much anymore. I was itching to delete him when he changed his profile picture to him and the new gf, but I put on my big girl pants and sucked it up :-)

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  13. I use my Facebook mostly for business, so this doesn't affect me.

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