Friday, January 17, 2014

No Question is a Dumb Question.... Right?

No question is a dumb question... right? It depends. Are you using your question to get people to validate your laziness or disorganization? Maybe, that's not a question you should ask in social media if your profession is based on one that requires extreme attention to detail and people are going to notice your lack of commitment.

For example, I am a writer. I am on Facebook saying something like... "I have writer's block and no amount of banging my head against the wall is helping. Any other suggestions?"

This leaves the lines of communication open for me to get advice that can help me get over my writer's block.

But, if my post is something like... "I am sitting in the shop getting a manicure and my client is waiting on his copy so his website can go viral and make his fortune, should I feel guilty?"

I shouldn't be offended when someone says... "Yes."

I would say if you are using social media like Facebook and you ask a question that can paint you in a bad light, don't get OFFENDED when someone gives you a true answer even if it hurts. This causes drama and that's not why you have a business page.

Asking the right questions on Facebook can get you the answers you need to finish a project, design a marketing plan, or give the people what they really want. Many people read your posts if you are keeping them interesting and it's good to build a rapport with the masses. It make you seem real.

Besides, you don't want to ask someone if these pants make your butt look big only to hear them say, "No baby, it's your butt!"

Spanish translation: No preguntes si tus pantalones de mezclilla hacen tu trasero verse grande si no quieres escuchar "No bebe son tus nalgas."  

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Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Say What? The F-Bomb Has Landed

Say What? Little baby precious has let the F-bomb fly again! You are mortified because you know you taught your baby better than that... at least you think you did. But, there was that one time that you didn't know would haunt you for the next day, week, months......

There are things that you can do to get your baby to stop saying that word. Putting chili in their mouth or soap is considered child abuse by some people and most CPS personnel. So, I will advise against this time honored tradition featured on A Christmas Story.

Don't panic... how you handle this situation will dictate how long you will have to deal with the behavior. If you are a fast thinker like my husband, you will immediately say something like "Bad Mommy" and you will get your hand spanked. Crazy I know, but it works.

For those of us who where asleep at the wheel, I have collected a little bit of advice from some of my family and friends who have great kids and parenting advice to share.

1. Don't laugh. Babies do a lot of things for attention. If everyone in the house is rolling on the floor laughing their heads off, the baby will take that as validation. Don't validate poor behavior or it will continue. Chances are you will be in mixed company and your little bundle of joy will let his favorite cuss word fly and trust me... they won't be laughing.

2. Make a face. I know this sounds funny, but it works. Have you ever seen a baby's face when they eat something really sour or hot? That's a great look to have when your little one lets that F-bomb fly. He will know he did something wrong. Babies love to please so giving them visual clues that you are not happy is a great deterrent.

3. Consequences. When you have a baby that is making poor choices, you have to counter with consequences. Some suggestions are listed below.
  • Timeout. Put your kid in a quiet place a little away from the hustle and bustle of your home to "reflect" on their word choice.
  • Take away a toy that they like to play with like a stuffed animal. Let them know that Fishy can't hear those kind of words.
4. Spank the child. Personally, I don't spank kids... but if you do. This might be a good time. A little pat on the hand is what one mom suggested.

5. Stop the Source. Is your child hearing this language on a regular basis? Put a stop to it #YourKidYourRules. If it's you... you know better so do better.

6. Teach Them New Words. Using powerful positive words will make it easier to overcome any bad words. Try short phrases like. "Please stop." "I don't like that." or "I am mad." Remember, they are using these words when they are frustrated so give them some words they can use instead.

Don't give up your efforts, be consistent. #YourKidYourRules. You have the parenting ability to stop this behavior. If you are keeping it out of your mouth, it's easier to keep it out of theirs. Happy parenting!

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Sunday, January 5, 2014

Using Words to Workout Your Baby Issues

If you are an absolute believer in spanking your kid, you may not agree with this blog and that's ok. I can clearly remember that one time I spanked my daughter and she cried so much that I was deeply saddened. So much so that I cried. Then, I decided that I was going to do something different with my kids. I was going to use my words and teach them to be better kids. Love them. Hug them. Make them feel safe. My words are powerful enough. We will talk about the "look" in another blog. *Wink

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It was a great week with my sister's kids. Her little one was having a hard time getting along with his brother. I sat with them to find out what was going on and I observed their interactions. The little one likes to get his way. The bigger one intervenes when his brother is "making poor choices." I decided that a week is too long to have continued conflict, so I wanted to see if the strategies I used to work magic for my girls still worked if used consistently.

The baby loves to get his way and bite his older brother when his desires are not immediately met. I had heard that his brother "picks on" him... but I didn't find that to be the case most of the time. For example, last night when the baby was trying to smash a hotel glass into the desk, his brother gently took the glass out of his hand and told him not to do that. This is a trick that I taught him. (Be nice to the baby and always look like you are in the right.)

The baby was mad! He grabbed his brother's arm with his nails and tried to bite him on his arm. His brother acted like it really hurt him and he pretended to cry. (Another trick to get the baby to stop what they are doing and to bring understanding that his actions are causing pain.) He told his brother to "stop" and pulled his arm away. I went into action. I picked up the baby. We had a little chat. I wanted to redirect his anger. The conversation went like this:

Me: Are you ok big brother?
Big Brother: No the baby scratched me and tried to bite my arm. He was trying to break the glass on the desk.
Baby: Crying
Me to the Big Brother: I am sorry that you were hurt. (I rubbed his arm and gave him a hug.)
Me to the Baby: You know that you cannot bang the glass. It can break.
Baby: Shook his head. Still crying.
Me: You hurt your brother. You are not allowed to bite him. Tell him you are sorry.
Baby: Soooree
Me: (I hug the baby and hold him in my arms.) You are a good boy and good boys are nice.
Baby: Not crying so much.
Me: Say that you are a good boy.
Baby: Me Good.
Me: Ok, kiss your brother.
Baby: Kisses brother. Then, they play.

Problem solved.

What! That is it? Of course, it takes time. Consistency is the key! We had been doing this for a week.

It makes more sense then:
1. You hit your brother.
2. I hit you.
3. I tell you that hitting isn't allow or it's bad.
4. Confused kid... What do you mean hitting is bad, didn't you just hit me? And that's where the problem comes in with using hitting to redirect instead of fixing the problem in a positive way.

I am not saying that my way is perfect! But, it worked perfectly for me and my girls. Now, it has worked for these boys. If you have any tips to assist others struggling with redirecting this behavior or want to comment on this blog, please comment below.

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